There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
