Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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