I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Randomize
