maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Damn victory sex feels great
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