Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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