she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
