There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
