Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
