So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
