Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
