i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
