just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
