You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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