Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
