I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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