I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
