Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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