It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
