At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
