That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
