i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
