everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
