i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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