we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
