Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
