Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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