Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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