Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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