idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
