Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
