so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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