At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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