I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
