i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
