JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
