watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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