eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
