I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
