I hate your face
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
