She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
