Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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