sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
