literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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