your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
