im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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