Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize