how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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