Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
