i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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