We're facebook friends in real life
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
