I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
