If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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