I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
