I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
