At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
