Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
