he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
