a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
