I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
