So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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