i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
