they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
