I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
